“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”—Ephesians 4:31-32
“Why are we so quick to forget God? Who do we think we are? I find myself relearning this lesson often. Even though I glimpse God’s holiness, I am still dumb enough to forget that life is all about God and not about me at all.”—Crazy Love by Francis Chan
Paragraphs of good morning text messages every morning, taking care of me whenever I got sick or feeling down, always there for me to listen to my cries, laughs, vents, random thoughts, lame not funny jokes, just everything in my head, dealing with me whenever I was throwing craps to you, always not giving up on me, saying sorry even it wasn’t your fault, telling me all these sweet things everyday to make me happy, calling be babe, beautiful, Metta World Peace, Lilo, accepting all the weird gross nicknames I gave you, calling me at least 10 times when I don’t pick up the phone, leaving me a voice mail whenever I don’t pick up your phone calls, accepting me for who I am, caring for me more than anyone in this world, Falling asleep on the phone, singing random songs for me, telling me that I’m the only girl that you’ve ever fall for, telling me how much you miss me and love me everyday, loving me even though you hate the Lakers, Friday webcam sessions, falling asleep on the webcam, waking up middle of the night hearing you snoring, making up and staying up to talk to me every nights, making our date/plans whenever I go down to LA or whenever you come up here. (Disneyland, Infinity & Beyond bracelets, fireworks, picnics, movie day, Harry Potter marathons, bed day, going to the theme parks at night and ride ferris wheel and eat junk foods, how you’re going to hold me and never let me go, make matching bracelets with alphabet beads, LA downtown, you and I both owe 30+ kisses to each other because of the bets, and just falling asleep next to you, tie dye matching day, Lakers vs Celtics game @ Staple Center, morning runs, and you’re going to make my legs look sexier than yours), sending me a love letter with your key chain, talking about our future, talking about our favorite foods, telling me how spam musubi and mcnuggets with sweet tea is the best food for you, you brainwashing me with words “Swag and swEET, ye men”, facebook adventures, making fun of facebook relationship status (Widowed, in domestic partnership, etc) I cry whenever you tell me about your cancer, praying everyday for your cancer to be cure, encouraging me and pushing me to try new things in my life, telling me all these good sweet stuff even though I’m not the best girl in this world, bed time stories, sharing books we read and telling the summaries, you keep telling me to pay attention in class, you and my mom is most cleanest freaks ever in this world, your mom and I are the Lakers fan, how you told me you want a fohawk but your hair can’t grow that long because of your cancer, telling me how Zak Efron, Rondo Rajon, Ray Allen are the sexiest men in this world, sharing TMI’s, you seducing me on the webcam but then failed, you appearing on my dreams, singing our songs “Love stories by Big Sean and You and I by JRA”, you keep telling me and encouraging me to love God and trust him no matter what really happens, planning for your senior ball by matching red, you thought I was dead when I fell asleep on the webcam and thought that was cute, double date webcam with your brother’s girlfriend’s turtle and my monkey doll, how you hate monkeys, how we both like gifraffes, your favorite animal is panda, our birthdays are in January, we both are youngest in our sibling(s), you think Madeleine cookies are MUCH better than Milano cookies, how you want to be world famous chef doctor astronaut at the same time, how you want give ghetto names to our future kids, how we’re going to have 5.5 children and that .5 is frog and fish, you amuse me with all your “did you know” facts and knowledge, you cough a lot when we talk on the phone, you get tired easily and have headaches, how your doctors calls you a “miracle boy” because you are surviving with all these harsh treatments, how you put smile on your face even though you’re going through a hard time with your health, copying me on the phone, I told you my deepest thoughts and secrets, you telling everything about you and your secrets, I can truly be myself and talk everything anything without you judging me, how we can keep up this long distance relationship with tons of fights and arguments, and just you being yourself.
you. you. you. even though we get into lots of stupid pointless arguments and fights, I still like you and my feelings will never change.
“You asked for a loving God; you have one. The great spirit you so lightly invoked, the lord of terrible aspect, is present: not a senile benevolence that drowsily wishes you to be happy in your own way, not the cold philanthropy of a conscientious magistrate, nor the care of a host who feels responsible for the comfort of his guests, but the consuming fire Himself, the Love that made the worlds, persistent as the artists love for his work and despotic as a mans love for a dog, provident and venerable as a fathers love for a child, jealous, inexplorable, exacting as love between sexes.”—C.S. Lewis
I hate that feeling when you randomly feel depressed. There is no warning, no apparent reason. It just happens. You feel empty, and you feel hopeless. And you just feel tired. As if you never want to move again. Then when someone asks you what's wrong, you can't say because there is nothing that comes to mind. Then you start thinking of what it could be, and you realize just how much is wrong. You know that feeling? Yeah, it sucks.
Apparently, we are on our “downhill” side again. We’ve been on this “downhill” side for 217893 times now… I really don’t know what’s going to happen next. It feels like we’re going to stay on this stage for a while this time. Today was your first day of senior year, and you already got bunch of homeworks and reading to do… My college is starting in few weeks, and I’m pretty sure I’ll have tons of works and studying to do… I’m just really worried that we both will get tired from each other. I really don’t want that to happened. I really don’t want our relationship was just a “summer fling” or whatever other kids say it. I had good times with you, even though 80% of summer was fighting and arguing over some stupid stuff. But if we get tired from each other and if one stops trying, I just want YOU to know that you’re a great guy with great personality. You’re suffering from cancer, yet you care so much more about me. You’re seriously a great person.
Let’s hope that we’ll get better and hope I can trust you fully again.
Honestly, I really miss high school. People posting about their days at high school and complaining about homeworks/tests/projects makes me want to go back to high school days. I was so excited to graduate and get out of high school, but then now, I really miss high school, and everything in high school. I thought I would never miss meanest hardest classes/teachers, but I really miss having them as my teachers and having those classes. I even miss that mean library teacher… I never expect myself to miss this horrible place called “high school”. I still keep thinking about first day assembly, maze day, schedule error changes, and all these high school memories are floating in my head. If I had a time machine, I would totally go back to 2007 and began my freshmen year again.This time, I want to try my best. Don’t procrastinate on any of my works, study, study, study more, and wish my parents let me hung out with my friends more and went to more high school events… I really miss sharing a locker with a friend, just talking to my friends during the passing periods, spending lunch at amphitheater/ap econ class/ cafeteria/ home, running to Spanish and ALMOST got sent to the SRC because of tardies, truancy letter, seeing my friends every morning and they greet me with warm hello’s and laughs, watching spirit skits, badminton practices Abrehbreh/YUUUP/LEEgit (which never happened), staying up till 4AM because of the last minute projects/essays. I just miss everything about high school.
It’s not that you don’t have any or all of a sudden lose it. The word esteem itself means respect and admire. Now when you say self esteem that’s self respect and admiration. No matter how many pictures or models you see doesn’t mean you should lower your self esteem. I hate it when I hear stuff like wow my self esteem is gone etc. If that’s the case then stop looking at damn pictures. Better yet, you should just accept yourself and appreciate how blessed you are with this life. There are actually people out there in this world who would kill to change how they look. None of you girls or guys have to change yourselves just because you think one way or another. All for what, a compliment? You’d be better off appreciating instead of analyzing every detail. Sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture. As cliche as it sounds you are all truly beautiful. Nobody is perfect even if they seem flawless. We all make mistakes and fuck up every now and then. And it’s important to have self respect and admiration because that’s what makes you stronger as a person. Love who you are and appreciate. It’s so unattractive to constantly hear about how some people think negatively. Nothings more sexy than being comfortable in your own skin.
All I know is that I’m tired. I’m tired of hoping and getting disappointed. I’m tired of guessing what’s going on, and I’m tired of trying to decipher my own thoughts. I’m tired of not knowing why things happen and I’m tired of regrets. I don’t know what to do anymore.
oh you know. I hate my life more than anything in this world.
I haven’t shave my legs for a week now… It’s not that hairy, but it’s somewhat gross and hairy. lol I’m wearing shorts to church tomorrow, and I can’t even shave my legs because of bed bug bites scars.
And no people… Bed bug bites are NOT contagious… so please don’t give me gross ew yicky face and walk away… ): I got that yicky/gross face so many times today.
This one lady at Korean market was giving me lots of dirty looks and saying stuff about scars on my arms… She thought I had AIDS… Urgh. Good thing I understood what she was saying. lol
I hate it when people think they know what you’re going through. I mean it’s not like you’d understand nor anyone else other than myself. You wont always know the reasons behind my actions and choices. Please don’t assume or jump to any conclusion unless you actually know for a fact; not based on your opinion or the things you hear and see.